Office by Alex Penny
Once you’ve realized that you’re living in a world that believes women are “less than” in every imaginable way, one of the things that can be most frustrating is that very few men get it. You want the people in your life, the men you care about, to understand the awful toll it can take on you. Operating in a world that sees you as less than fully human can be soul crushing—but it’s also incredibly lonely.
When you speak up about any sense of unfairness or injustice, you’re told that you’re overreacting, you’re too angry, too silly—shut up already. It takes a tremendous amount of fortitude to be able to live in this world as a woman, let alone a woman who wants things to change.
[…]
Hearing the Beastie Boys speak out against sexism made me feel like if these men who had once sung about getting girls to “do the laundry” and “clean up my room” could understand, maybe the rest of the world would follow suit. It made me hopeful in the best way.
Great piece, Jessica!
(Source: jessicavalenti)
It was the 9th grade. I was 13. I had recently learned in Biology class that the male sperm determines the gender of a fetus. Meanwhile, in History class, we were introduced to Henry VIII and his penchant for divorcing/executing his wives for not bearing a male heir.
In class, I said, “wait a minute! It’s HIS sperm that decides if it’s a girl or a boy! That is SO not fair!”
And thus, HollywoodFetus, the feminist, was born.
I was 8 when my feminism reared its head.
It was during PE and I wanted to try to climb the damn rope. The PE teacher told me I was a girl and I wasn’t going to climb the rope, I was going to do the obstacle course instead.
No reason for banning the girls from the rope. Just we were girls and we weren’t climbing the rope. I think it actually had something to do with the boys trying to look up our shorts, which, you know, that’s the boys’ deal not mine.
I went home pissed as shit.
For me, it was dealing with my dad. Bless his twisted heart.
He was hardly ever home when I was growing up. As a ”freelance” engineer, he hopped from city to city doing contract work for so many different companies I could never keep track. His absence, in the long run, would prove to be more of a blessing than a curse. But that’s another story. Periodically, he’d come home for a few months between jobs. I hated it because he always stirred up unnecessary drama at home.
As a father of three daughters, one would think he would encourage us to be strong, independent, free-thinking women. But he did the opposite. The one incident that I can trace my feminism back to was when I had friends over for a party or something. We all sat in my family room with my dad on the couch, laughing and telling stories or making references to inside jokes.
When everyone left, my dad sat me down and basically told me I needed to tone down my ‘big personality’. He told me that I laughed too loud, and that laughing with my mouth open was unladylike, and suggested that I was “easy”. He also told me that no one would want to marry a girl who is “too outgoing” and friendly with boys.
Naturally, I argued against everything he said. Which was kind of useless considering this is the man whose signature sayings were, “I’m the man, you do it because I said so!” and “Men are dogs!” etc. etc. But Teen Alli took pleasure in proving his ass-backward views wrong. I’m just glad I never absorbed his ideologies.
—
Sherry, hitting the nail on the head. (via thewordunheard)
Exactly.
(Source: The New York Times, via shorterexcerpts)
Women remain hugely underrepresented at positions of power in every single sector across this country,” said Barnard College president Debora Spar at a White House conference on urban economic development last month.
“We have fallen into what I call the 16 percent ghetto, which is that if you look at any sector, be it aerospace engineering, Hollywood films, higher education, or Fortune 500 leading positions, women max out at roughly 16 percent,” Spar said. “That is a crime, and it is a waste of incredible talent.
"In Leader’s Suicide Brings Attention to Men’s Rights Movement, SPLC reporter Arthur Goldwag describes the self-immolation of MRA Thomas Jefferson Ball just outside a family law courthouse, an act that was intended to be and has been subsequently embraced as a call-to-arms of American MRAs and misogynists who feel slighted by the American family law courts, which often delve deeply into accusations of sexual, physical and emotional abuse within families, where the family or “private sphere” has historically been men’s private domain, where they were allowed to terrorize and damage women and children with impunity, and where men could historically let themselves off the hook for financial support just by leaving town, denying paternity, or worse.
In what was also an act of domestic terrorism by Ball, where he committed an illegal act that was dangerous to human life and was apparently intended to intimidate and coerce both civilians and the government, this self-immolation by the leader of the Worcester branch of the Massachusetts-based Fatherhood Coalition was also apparently a declaration of war against the family court system and against women and children:
In a lengthy “Last Statement,” which arrived posthumously at the Keene Sentinel, Tom Ball told his story. All he had done, he said, was smack his 4-year-old daughter and bloody her mouth after she licked his hand as he was putting her to bed. Feminist-crafted anti-domestic violence legislation did the rest. “Twenty-five years ago,” he wrote, “the federal government declared war on men. It is time to see how committed they are to their cause. It is time, boys, to give them a taste of war.”
…
Ball’s suicide brought attention to an underworld of misogynists, woman-haters whose fury goes well beyond criticism of the family court system, domestic violence laws, and false rape accusations. There are literally hundreds of websites, blogs and forums devoted to attacking virtually all women (or, at least, Westernized ones) — the so-called “manosphere,” which now also includes a tribute page for Tom Ball (“He Died For Our Children”).
Only weeks later, the manosphere responded favorably to the mass-murder of 77 people by Norweigian MRA Anders Behring Breivik, who railed against “divorce on demand” and sounded the misogynistic dog-whistle to aggrieved men around the world.
"
Anna re-blogged a video today with the above woman talking for 35 minutes about how keeping up with the demands of modern feminism hurts the economy. I followed the video link to her channel and found ~12 videos, each about nine and a half to thirty-five minutes long about Men’s Rights. Look at her description:
I’m a divorced mother of three who’s tired of living in a society that treats men like assholes and women like children. I have a blog, owningyourshit (dot) blogspot (dot) com, and also write at avoiceformen (dot) com, where I try to convince anyone who’ll listen to start thinking of men as human beings, and start insisting women collectively grow up.
Umm. Wut?
—
Why Sexism is no Laughing Matter
”Why is this kind of casual sexism so prevalent?.. ‘There is a perception that women have arrived, therefore we don’t need to worry about it any more’
It is a perception underlined by the rush of (mostly male) cultural commentators who opined forcefully last week that men, not women, were now the true victims of sexual inequality.
But the difference between [‘sexist’ comments from women and sexist comments from men] is arguably the power structure around them.. when men are in a position of such dominance their sexism carries deeply unpleasant undertones.”
”More worryingly, sexual “banter” is becoming increasingly common at school age,.. almost a third of girls experience unwanted sexual touching in UK schools and that nearly three quarters of all 16- to 18-year-olds say they hear sexual name-calling – such as “slut” or “slag” – used towards girls every day.”
(via ellielamothe)
This concerns me because there are so many little girls in my extended family, and I feel like not much has improved since the time that I was growing up; in fact, I feel like it’s worse now than it was when I was a kid. :\
(via bluntlyblue)
Member of the Ukraine feminist group Femen gets arrested for protesting topless in the Vatican.
My grandmother, a woman who has been to nearly every country in the world and has received humanitarian awards from the Catholic Church, was thrown out of the Vatican several times for having her knees exposed and being a woman. She kept returning as a sign of protest of the sexism the Vatican ardently reinforces in their policies.
The woman above is amazing.
Agreed. Certified bad ass!
Reblogging because it’s still bad ass.
“I know this message will fall on deaf ears but….. I do not choose to debate “intellect” vs. morals. As I believe morals should overwhelmingly be the favorite.”
—Rep. Harry Readshaw
(via katedanley)
This is an interesting discussion… I’ve heard about the Bechdel Test from a male feminist/movie enthusiast friend of mine before. I’ve tested it out in many movies, and was shocked to find that such a small amount met the criteria. It’s overwhelmingly true that women lack strong roles in the media. Sadly, I think we could have figured that out even without the test.
We already know that there are more men in the media than women (in fact, GOOD did an article about this just a few days ago) and that, obviously, plays a huge part in why ladies lack noteable roles in the industry. This very subject is addressed in depth in a recently released feminist documentary called MissRepresentation. I recommend you guys watch it, if you haven’t already. The doc basically forces the viewer to face the fact that young girls in our country simply do not have enough strong female role models. And the few that we do see, are mocked for their fashion, criticized for things that have NOTHING to do with their career, and so on. I think that is the “point” of the Bechdel Test. I’ll let the trailer do the rest of the talking:
Consider this. Isn’t it true that it difficult to consider a career path an option without at least being able to imagine oneself being successful in it first? Wouldn’t a little girl dreaming to be a fighter pilot one day, be more inclined/motivated to reach her goal if she’s seen or met a succesful female fighter pilot? That’s all I’m saying.
Why would women talk about anything other than men, even real life, let alone a movie?
Also I apologize for being a man. I’m so ashamed.
—-
I’m sorry I just think it’s an absurd thing to concern one’s self with. ”There isn’t enough women like ME in movies”. A good story allows a person to identify with whomever the character might be. I have identified with a ton of female characters in movies, and I know you think that isn’t the point but I think it is.
I just think it’s a similar argument to one Larry Bird made about how there needs to be more white people in the NBA. It’s a nitwit argument, if they are good then they will be in the NBA if they aren’t then too fucking bad. It’s a fact that black men are recruited more and are more thought after in division 1 programs. Is that racism? Should there be some test for basketball programs where in a single game one white person has to pass to another white person to pass a test?
With all that being said I do believe black people have a higher level of athleticism than the average white person in regards to what a successful basketball player needs. Women are just as talented as men and I concede that sure they don’t have the same opportunities in a male dominated industry but every hard working talented girl I know has been able to produce great work that is respected and successful. Do they have to work twice as hard? I’m sure some if not most do have to.
My point is that this test as depicted in the video is silly. It should be about leading roles not if two side characters have a conversation about something other then men. If your main character is a man then why would two women have a conversation that isn’t about him? It would most likely be pointless for the story.
I have struggles too, not because I’m a white man, but because of certain choices I’ve made. For instance I wish I didn’t write this blog because I know how hard it is for me to illustrate my point without upsetting people who don’t understand my point of view or know me well enough to understand how much respect I have for women. I put the bullet in the gun and fired though so here I am.
I don’t like when people make excuses, even if those excuses are right and just. I like when people overcome and push forward despite the forces against them. I know so many successful, talented, creative women that I suppose it’s hard for me to understand this point of view.
I never said they were trying to regulate anything. I’m saying it’s silly to even point it out. These are people’s stories and sure they show a bias but who cares all art has bias and industries have trends, that’s life. Showing me a movie with a strong leading lady that still finds a way to fail this test seems really stupid to me.
I just don’t like when people dissect art. I also didn’t like reading Black Boy in high school I thought it was an average book. These are things I’m not supposed to say but I would feel like a bigot if I didn’t say them because I feel comfortable enough with women and whomever else to say when something seems off.
And for the record I’m not against the test, I’m against this video using the test as an example to help prove their “point”
Oh jesus fuck Jason Whetzell. I don’t have time to respond as fully as I’d like to, but this hurts my head.
I didn’t even watch the video but the Bechdel Test was not conceived as a way to regulate movies. It’s just pointing out EXACTLY WHAT YOU POINTED OUT IN YOUR POST. Most movies are made by men, for men, about men. This isn’t because women won’t get off their asses and submit more movies to the motion picture panel that decides which ones get into the blockbuster equivalent of a 101 screening. This is because there are many factors in play that make directing and some executive roles more male friendly and male dominated. I don’t blame the people who are making movies for the way it is set up. I don’t say women don’t have some responsibility in not flooding the marketplace and begging more dga members to get them into the guild. But come on.
And they’re not suggesting that men shoehorn more than 60 seconds of dialog in regardless of the movie, filmmaker, etc. They’re suggesting that people ACTUALLY BE INTERESTED IN WOMEN CHARACTERS AS MORE THAN APPENDAGES TO MEN. I don’t think they’re talking to you personally. I think they’re wishing someone would make more movies with women.
Mostly they’re saying “have you noticed this? try this test. isn’t it amazing that this is so pervasive when we’re a legitimate audience. makes you think, eh?” Not “Jason Whetzell needs to have his interests and filmmaking legislated,” or even, “I want to impose requirements on art.” Just, “have you ever noticed the gender bias in film.” Bias is not actually a bad word, by the way. Everyone is biased in some way. The only time bias is bad is when you become completely unaware of it and insist that the way you see things is the way everyone sees things, and don’t challenge your own perceptions and preconceptions once in a while. I mean, I guess I appreciate that you appreciate some movies with female directors, but come on. Also: thank you for regulating feminism. I hope to speak with you in future so I can find out what reasonable feminism entails. I hope i can still have my half pay and 5 minute lunch break at the shirtwaist factory!
Unless you are doing a bit. In which case: hilarious bit. Seriously. You’re in Dad Boner territory.
P.S. I hope you know i’m giving you a hard time but not malicious. I like to argue with people on the internet and this is so ridiculous i couldn’t help myself.
This post is infuriating to me. For many reasons.
-These movies are made by men and written by men so of course the main perspective throughout is going to be that of a man. Write what you know! Maybe the real argument should be women need to make more films.
-This lady doesn’t understand film making. If the main character is a man then the side characters, whether men or women, will often (if not always) be talking about the main character in order to push the story forward.
-She thinks two female characters should talk to each other longer then 60 seconds about something other then a man. So are we to arbitrarily put in some meaningless commentary just to fulfill some stupid fulfillment.
I love women in movies as main characters. I like some of the films I’ve seen directed by women (but its undeniable that there are not many). I can react and relate as well to some of the women characters as I can leading men.
True reasonable feminism has value but this is just idiotic.
I bet Lost in Translation fails the test. I bet Dancer in the Dark fails the test. These movies have main characters that are women!
STUPID TEST
—
“Meryl Streep: Force of Nature,” Vogue (via marxisforbros)
What up, lay-deeeezzzz
(Source: thatluciegirl, via girl-non-grata)
Listen,
It does not matter what you say. As a woman, as a woman of color, as a woman of size, as a woman with large breasts or no breasts and a lifetime of experience with bucket loads of passion. It does not fucking matter.*
Because unless there is a white guy backing you up, you are an angry bitch. Uppity, spirited, “that girl”, the femanazi, the super-libber, the PC chick, the conspiracy theorist…
A few months ago I posted something on a forum about how interesting it was that we only bomb brown countries. As Tom Wise suggested, perhaps it’s time we stop talking about how the war was for oil, and instead question why we feel we’d be entitled to that oil in the first fucking place.
Almost immediatly, but just as predictably, I was hit with good old Reverse Racism. The Double R that gets pulled out whenever the privileged hear something they’d rather not. It is the equivalent of putting your hands over your ears and screaming “la, la, la, fucking la” until the other person gives up and walks away.
Even the site administrator called me a racist.
Then, another well known poster there put on a clip of George Carlin ranting on how we only bomb brown countries. (www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDkhzHQO7jY“>skip to the 2 minute mark if you’re interested in hearing it)
And suddenly, as if God himself had shone through the clouds and crowned me righteous and worthy. The tides turned. All of a sudden everybody could “see the point” I was trying to make. All of a sudden I was no longer the nefarious reverse racist infiltrating white society only to destroy it. I was just sharing the same opinion as George Carlin. I was worth believing.
I decided that day not to post there anymore. At least not with them knowing my ethnicity and gender. But the problem hardly stays online.
Last night I had dinner with my ex-husband and a mutual male friend who is visiting Paris. Discussing Prop 8 he asks me, “Well but you probably feel more comfortable around gays than straight men, don’t you?”
I say, “of course I do. A majority of my time in a straight club is spent getting away from men grinding up on me as though they own me.”
Naturally he doubts my story. “It can’t be that bad, though?”. My ex husband, bless his bouncer past, promptly sets him straight. He tells him how I used to go to his club all the time and he had to assist me more than once when men became predatorial on the dance floor.
And as soon as my ex mentions this the man shuts up. It is not enough to take my word for it. Never mind that I’ve been hanging out in my post puberty body for a fair amount of time now. I must be exaggerating because that’s what women do. The worst part? This guy wasn’t even a douche. He is a genuinely nice guy with an amazing girlfriend. But his natural default state is to disbelieve my story.
I just wish my own experiences were enough. That the experiences of fellow women were enough. But we must always come with backers. We must always have a few men nodding along behind us in the crowd. And at the very least if we’re going to be so bold as to bring up racism or sexism in polite company then we better be willing to quote reputable studies that have been widely recognized by the psychological and sociological communities.
If we lack this armor we are just drama. Dramatic or…wait for it…psycho bitches who think everybody is out to rape them or thinks they must be “Like, soooo attractive to be hit on so much and totally, probably, like, thinks like a victim”.
This is so dangerous because I believe it teaches us not to trust our own judgements. Sadly, in this world that can be life or death. When that guy hits on you for the third time at the club we should just get over it. He wasn’t being that creepy. “Oh no, girl, don’t talk to the bouncer about him, that’s just drama. Just have a good time”. I complained anyway but nothing was done.
And hey, when he tries to attack you while leaving the club—which happened to a friend and I in June of this year—the police may ask you why you didn’t complain “more than once” to security. I shit you not.
Because it is never good enough. It’s always a teachable moment from man to woman. So listen up, child, because that’s exactly what you are. At least until a white man comes to back up your claims. But I don’t have to tell you that. You already know. The trick is for this argument not to be dismissed outright by some dude in a Quicksilver t-shirt because the fact is, he has final say on the veracity of our claims.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfXQJ4BOl5c
It’s not fucking coincidence I can quote that man at length. It’s a motherfucking necessity. And people wonder why I can’t sleep at night…
*I wanted to note that I am fully aware that when men of color talk about racism they are not believed by white society either. This is not a woman’s problem in totality. Sadly, that hardly negates their default reaction of disbelief when, as women, we share our own stories with them.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten that reaction. “Oh come on it can’t be that bad!!! Aren’t you flattered? And what about all the free drinks you get?!?!1!~!”
Barf.
First of all, I’m a grown ass woman. I can afford to pay for my own goddamn drinks. Hell, I could pay for yours! And I’d be more than happy to if that meant that I wouldn’t have to fucking deal with creeps like the ones mentioned above. I can’t speak for other ladies, but no amount of free drinks will make me happy to receive the amount of harassment and inappropriate comments/groping thrown at me in public, but especially in a club setting (which is why I try to stick to bars).
I specifically remember one time when I was at a concert with someone I was dating, we were waiting in line to get beer when I felt someone casually place their hand on my ass. I turned around and a group of guys were just standing there. There was no way of knowing which one of them touched me, but I yelled anyway. Who the fuck just grabbed my ass? Was it you? Who fucking was it? Who the fuck do you think you are?! But no one responded. My boyfriend turned around and started asking the same question. He was a big guy so the group of guys immediately dispersed and you know what he fucking asked me?
MY BOYFRIEND asked me, “Are you sure?”
As in, are you sure that someone grabbed your ass, and you weren’t just trying to get me in a fight with someone? …the FUCK? At the tender age of 19, this definitely got me doubting myself. In hindsight that entire relationship was not very healthy at all. But I’m just glad that I know better now. The problem is, because I am aware of all this patriarchal bullshit, I know for a fact that people see me as “Dramatic” or “the PC chick” or the “conspiracy theorist”. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve posted fewer politically relevant articles, and have had to take a step back. Granted, I did need a little break.
Thank you for this, OP.
(via bluntlyblue)
TEDTalks: Tony Porter - A Call to Men
(TW: he mentions a rape situation)
So I posted that feminist article about Gaslighting on my Facebook yesterday and got some interesting responses. One lady kind of went off on a little tangeant about an ex-boyfriend from her twenties and how he was extremely manipulative and evil. I explained to her that the conditioning men go through can sometimes be just as damaging, and that the gender binary is not good for anyone, and posted this video, from a long time ago. It’s a good one, so if you haven’t already seen it, I recommend you watch it.
